


“Remember that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return"

by mrua7



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Lent, Religious Humor, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:22:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrua7/pseuds/mrua7
Summary: It's Ash Wednesday and Napoleon is able to attend church to receive ashes.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	“Remember that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return"

It was Ash Wednesday and the first day of Lent, though that rarely meant anything to Napoleon Solo. He’d been raised Catholic and attended mass from time to time, and was a even friend of the Cardinal in New York. That friendship was a bonus after "The Vatican Affair."

Still when it came to Ash Wednesday Napoleon had rarely been around to go to church and receive ashes. This Wednesday however, he was free. Taking a trip to St. Patrick’s Cathedral, after mass he queued up along a fair few others to receive his ashes in the shape of a cross on his forehead.

The words the priest spoke, for some reason, gave Napoleon the chills, as if someone had stepped on his grave.

 _“_ _Remember that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.”_

When he returned to headquarters he had every intention of wiping away the ashes as one wasn’t required they remain there for the day.

He got a few strange looks while heading to his office, though he did see a few employees with ashes on their foreheads as well.

Illya was sitting at his desk, having just removed a report from his typewriter roll and had begun separating the copies, that was until he looked at his partner.

“What the devil is that on your forehead? You look as though you fell asleep on top of an ashtray."

“Tsk. These _are_ ashes, as it’s Ash Wednesday.”

“Ash Wednesday? Is it one of your ridiculous American holidays?”

“No, the ashes placed on one’s forehead are a symbol of one’s mortality, and when we die our bodies return to dust. The ashes come from burned palm fronds from the previous Easter.”

“Ah yes, I remember now. Is it not the beginning of your Lenten season?”

“Exactly. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent, which is the 40 days of preparing for Jesus to be resurrected Easter Sunday. Lent is a time for reflection and penitence, and often a time for sacrifice, this is why Catholics don't eat meat on Ash Wednesday or on Fridays throughout Lent. It’s also common for observers to give up something they love for the entirety of Lent.”

As soon as Napoleon said that he knew he’d put his foot in his mouth. 

Illya, of course, picked up on it immediately. “So you have to give up something you _love_ for 40 days. Hmmm, could that be _women?_ Since it is a time for penitence and reflection, what better sacrifice for you make than abstaining from your carnal urges?”

“You know Illya, sometimes you can be very cruel.”

“I am not being cruel, I am just stating a simple fact, as you do love women, emotionally as well as physically.”

“You used to go to an Orthodox Christian church when you were young, didn’t they observe Ash Wednesday?”

“I remember nothing about that, I do recall that Orthodox Great Lent began on something called Clean Monday.”

“Clean Monday?”

“That was the first day of the Great Lent that preceded Easter in Orthodox Christian Churches. The intention of the day was to leave all sinful behavior behind and enter the Great Lent period with a clean heart, ready to celebrate Easter. In Russian Orthodox tradition, believers abstained from meat and dairy products, most seafood and even oils as they strove to relive Jesus' 40-day fast in the wilderness. Since meat, dairy, and some seafood are quite hard to come by and expensive in Soviet Union, it is not difficult to abstain.”

“So there's still practicing Christians?”

“Most likely, though anyone practicing their religious beliefs does so in secret. Soviet Union was the first state to have an ideological objective to eliminate religion. Church property was confiscated, religion was ridiculed, believers harassed, and atheism propagated in schools.”

Napoleon refrained from commenting, even though it seemed rather grim. Still Russia was Illya’s home, and he was a card carrying Communist. It was better Solo kept his mouth shut.

He pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away the ashes on his forehead.

“Did you do that on my account Napoleon?”

“No, since Ash Wednesday isn’t a Holy Day of Obligation, Catholics can choose whether to go to church where they receive the ashes, or not. Many Catholics leave the mark on all day but wash it off before bedtime. I choose to remove it now.”

“So my friend, you did not answer my question as to what you are giving up for the next 40 days?”

“Ummm, Solo hesitated.

Illya held out his hand.

_“What?”_

“You know what, Napoleon?”

Solo cringed as he reached into the top drawer of his desk, took out his little black book and slowly handed it to his partner.

“Please take good care of it. That’s very valuable.”

“I promise,” the Russian flashed a wry smile as he locked it in his own desk drawer.

Napoleon shrugged as he walked out of the office, leaving Illya there celebrating what he thought was a victory.

“I gave up my little black book for Lent, but I didn’t say I’d give up the ladies,” Napoleon whistled cheerfully as he walked down the corridor.

He did a quick about face as Nurse ‘Va-va-va-voom’ Vicky from Medical walked past him.

 _“Helloooo Nurse_ ,” he grinned. Two seconds later he felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. 

"Tsk, darn Catholic guilt, " he mumbled to himself as he walked away.

  
  
* Ref to ['The Vatican Affair'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350319/chapters/40822895)


End file.
